I am terribly sorry it has taken so long for me to post on the VMA's. Not only do I not have cable, but I am still trying to get Lady GaGa's stupid alias out of my head, Jo Calderone. If anyone else is trying to do the same I suggest Tylenol P.M. and Vodka. Just kidding, because I have not had a sip of alkie since Napa (Please refer to my last dernier cri.) Is anyone else annoyed with Nicki Minaj? Whilst I love her new single Superbass, she looks like Katy Perry on crack humpty. If she dressed like she had a lick of sense I am sure she could win even more awards. This is what is starting to bother me about the industry. These singers are getting more and more extravagant with their costumes... You know what would really shock us in 6 months would be if Kerry-Brand, Minaj, or GaGa came to an interview or awards show dressed like a human being with some upbringing. Maybe borrow a nice dress from Oscar and get Oprah's make-up team to do the ditty to their faces. I have this theory that Oprah has the most talented make-up artist in the world. They take the most busted people and somehow on her sound stage they look like fallen angels. Even that crazy bitch that helped abduct Elizabeth Smart, Wanda Barzee. She scares the socks off of me. If you do not know what she looks like google her, and then dress up like her for Halloween. This reminds me of the year Charlize Theron won Best Actress for "Monster". I wanted to dress up like her for Halloween, but decided not to seeing that I was single and that might be my fate forever if I were to follow through. I can imitate her to a tee. To the point I shutter... Anyway. Loved the purple Tom Ford dress Katy Perry wore. I would have loved it better if it had not clashed with her electric kool-aid acid test hair. There are only a handful of reasons your hair should be a color one would find in a gay-flag. You are either gay and celebrating in a parade(only on parade day), you are dressed up like Kurt Cobain for Halloween, or you tried to home dye your hair and failed...miserably. I once had a pink strand of my hair dyed for Prostate Cancer awareness. Apparently it was vegetable dye and would wash out, ummm, you mean wash all over. All I needed was a beak and longer legs and you could have thrown me on a lawn in front of someone's trailer. Preferably in Bolivia...North Carolina...near a meth lab. I now have a "get Brit-Brit a stylist fund", poor gal winning an award, sober?, with her werewolf manager clapping his heart out while that butch Jo Calderone does not only steal her thunder, but if that freak could have bottled lightening she would have. Geez, Brit probably had her stomach pumped from all the valium it took for her to walk on stage and Jo-Gag-Gag had to tell the girl she masturbated to her. There are no words for this behavior. Adele was awesome, I am sure who-ever fucked her over feels like a dip shit, because her performance was one of the most real and raw performances I have witnessed since Mary J. Blige and Andrea Bocelli sang "Bridge Over Troubled Waters". WOW. Bieber, I love you kid, but you look like a girl, it weirds me out...a lot. To Bruno of Bruno Mars covering "Valerie" for Amy Winehouse, you are so cussin cute. I have decided to follow in the footsteps of the "Fantastic Mr. Fox" and change all of my curse words into the word "cuss". So for shit, I would say "cuss". Capisce? Bruno, you have it all right. I want to put you on my shoulders and run through a field, or shrink you down and carry you in the curve of my pocket square. Now, start singing more quartet type songs and leave the silly lullabies to California, we want soul. Just be more like Amy. To Sameer Gadhia of Young the Giant, you are by far the hottest sweet potato to hit the scene. Your moves were softly killing me and you are a decade younger than me. I'm sorry Zac Efron, Sameer has taken your sexy little place. Please download his single "My Body"...And to my very favorite performer of all times: Beyonce Z. Just when I did not think you could be anymore perfect you stole back your thorny crown and sat back down on your throne. Girl, you are pregnant and still shakin' it like it's nobody's bizness. I loved the sequins, I love you rubbing your belly and that being your announcement to the billions of strangers who love you that you are expecting Mr. Z's bebe.. You are perfect. Your husband sang "Otis" well too. I am surprised Kanye didn't jump on stage and accuse you of stealing his baby and putting it in your stomach. Oh, Kanye you wore a Canadian tuxedo...that's all I can say about that.
1. Ice cream necklace- Niki Munaj
2. That performer who sang in every commercial breaks cast-Jesse J.
3. Dave Grohl and Jordyn Blum- prettiest couple
4. Adele's Texas hair and lovely silouette
5. Lil' Twist
|We all ate acid together and then got dressed for the VMA's|
|The first dress is gawjus! The second one I want to put in a mouse trap and catch something. The third I want to douse with fuel and throw a match at.|
|MY GIRL B|
|Bringing sexy all kinds of back|
|Climb in me pocket lil Bruno.|
|Classy goes a long way...|