Sunday, November 6, 2011

I'm a Hallo-WEENIE

Mini Mouse and Minnie Mouse....
Latest Dernier Cri*
Dear Belle Epoque readers,
I am certainly aware Halloween is well in the past, but I had to take a moment to blog about the exciting first Halloween I had with a baby.  I might touch down on etiquette as well.  For starters every costume I had picked out bombed.  I had been planning on a pink elephant costume, but every review I read said it arrived looking mangled and worn, really, that is exactly what I want my little precious looking like, a mangled and worn pink elephant.  I wanted this outfit for two reasons, growing up a Republican I thought it was funny in a political way and if she is ever running for president, a very cute endorsement.  This also goes for if she decides she wants to rebel and be a Democrat. Still funny.  Also, when speaking to friends on Halloween about politics we could use her and say "oh well there must be an elephant in the room."

     "Elephant in the room" is an English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.
It is based on the idea that an elephant in a room would be impossible to overlook; thus, people in the room who pretend the elephant is not there have chosen to avoid dealing with the looming big issue."
Holy politics. this sounds perfect.  Anyway, her monarch butterfly costume was at my sister's house. Many costumes went through my head Monday, I even considered dressing her in boy's clothes, painting a little crumb catcher on her and telling people she was a boy.  The only problem with this costume would be when she is older and  looks back on her first Halloween and thinks, "gee, my Mom really did lose her sh*T when I was born."  Or, she could be happy because like Chas Bono, she always knew she had it in her... either way it was a bad idea.  I thought about stuffing a onesie with cotton and painting her face white and making her the Pillsbury Dough Boy like my parents did when I was um, 10!  I just knew I would not be able to find A little chef hat, so I thought what costumes do I already have?  I had Minnie Mouse ears from my sisters recent trip to Disney and of course she brought me back some too.  For those who do not know, I have a secret affinity for Minnie Mouse.  It is not weird.  She is girlie, wears great yellow kitten heels and has a red and white polka dot dress.  Who doesn't want this?  Plus her husband, Mickey, is a billionaire, Holla.  I went to Walmart bought her a long sleeve white onesie some black leggings and little glittered black mary-janes.  I put a little black eye-shadow on her nose and put her Minnie ears on and voila, "Mini "Mouse and I was Minnie Mouse.  My costume consisted of a black dress with Gaga-esque sleeves, my fancy sequined Minnie ears, a sequined belt and patent leather wedges.  I, too put black eyeshadow on my nose and presto Minnie Mouse and Mini mouse. I was so pleased.
Mini and Me
 She looked so cute!  She also had not taken her nap, so we packed her in the car and headed over to our friends house that were having us over due in part to the fact that I have not had any trick or treaters for two years.  The first year I had two and last year 0.  This broke my heart because I was pregnant and had bought a huge bowl of Dum Dums and no one came, not a single person.  This year was gong to be different. Baby was asleep upon arrival and stayed down almost the entire Halloween, but this did not mean I could not answer the door and hand out candy to satisfy part of my Halloween desires.  Every time the doorbell rang I sprinted to the door with the bowl of candy, I would patiently wait for the kids to say "Trick or treat".  Parents, note to you, your kids should say either "trick or treat" or "happy Halloween" it is the right thing to do.  You probably should go over this with them.  Unless they are painfully shy...this means they shouldn't be dressed as Mario taking candy from strangers.  Also, to the parents that let your kids go trick or treating without costumes, are you f-ing kidding me?  Would you go to the mall at Christmas, wait in a long line and finally arrive at chair with a old man, five o' clock shadow and a suit on, sit on his lap and tell him what you are wishing for?  No!, because that is not fn Santa Claus!  The beard and the belly and the red suit and hat make him Santa, just like a costume makes you a trick or treater.  I became the candy Nazi with costumed kids and uncostumed kids.  One 12 year old girl came to the door dressed in a cardigan and pants, no costume and held out her bag to which my husband inquired if she was dressed as an adult.  Another kid with curly hair and baggy pants when asked what he was dressed up as replied, "nothing"  I told him to check that stupid answer at our door and tell  people he was Rob Machado...he sadly did not know who he was.  Another kid came to every door on the house and asked for candy, he had on no costume, but looked so much like Tupac it was scary.  I tossed this suggestion his way and can only hope he scored chocolate from the other houses.
Rob Machado- Professional Surfer
 The other houses were probably not on a candy limit like I was putting the trick or treaters on at my friends house.  Costume= two pieces of candy, typically one chocolate and maybe a Laffy Taffy.  A thank you got you Minnie Mouse throwing you compliments like"you are the best, I love your costume."  A four year old by the way should know how to count, so when I say "you can choose two" and they take a handful, just saying they should know better.  The kids that dress up, say "trick or treat" and "thank-you", well what can I say, you have done a good job parents.  I know costumes can be expensive, but anyone can take a sheet and cut holes out for the eyes, right?  My Mini Mouse had to be woken up for the big night and I have to say she was so pleased with the kids she got to see dressed up. She basically mauled them, which can scare kids a little.  She will not remember this year, but I hope I made her proud and when she looks back at the pictures of her first Halloween she does not say "my mom was such a freak", but instead says "wow, my mom dressed us up alike".  Aaagh, the memories flood in and remind me of the picture I have seen of my first Halloween.  October 1979, 10 months old,  tucked in the nook of my dads arm with a mustard yellow turtle-neck on, bell bottom blue jeans, black smut on my nose and gnawing on a candied apple.  My Dad, dressed the exact same.  We were scare-crows.  I guess apples don't fall too far from trees...I, however,  prefer mine candied.
Godspeed little ghosties,
All I can say is that Jessica you should have just told people you were pregnant so they would stop calling you fat, that pain must go deep.  Mrs. Affleck, you are an inspiration!, Brit, wtf?, get a stylist already, this does not even work for Halloween. Bottom left, Bravo, I don't know who the f you are.

Audrina, you should have dressed up as yourself so people won't forget who you are, or even better, Justin Booby.

Fergie, you nailed it!  Eden Woods????

Heidi, Heidi, Heidi, you love Halloween, I get it...BUT for the sake of all men seeking a well sought after boner, never do this again.  For God's sake you are a super model, which kinda makes this AWESOME!

Much like Poison Ivy, you get under people's skin, start a rash and make them feel like they  are going to crawl out of their skin from itching to death.  Perfect costume KKH-H

Nice to see you out of Rastafarian colors.  You are pretty....

You can do no wrong Anne...

a perfect example of how Halloween costumes can cost nothing.  This particular year we were Irv and Peg Spazziano.  Transplants from the was free and our best yet.


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