Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Iced Tea

Latest Dernier Cri*

It has been a long time Fillies and I apologize.  I was in the midst of bouncing one kid on one knee, warming another in the bakery, and discussing with God the intentions of a third.  All of that wrapped with a heavy dose of postpartum, being incredibly overwhelmed with how to even be a wife, keep my writing gig at a local magazine and being a good aunt, sister, daughter, friend, cook, house keeper, and look somewhat like a fashion stylist was damning.  I showered oncely, meaning once a week. I STILL sleep in the same clothes I wear the day before, and I am on my knees most of the time!!! scrubbing the floors with baby wipes people- that was a good one- haha. I am perpetually late. The gym is used for their giant neon clock outside to show me how late I am.   I am coming around and sitting here just writing this first post is my first step towards freedom.  Let me make myself clear.  I have a 2, 3.75, and a 5 year old.  I don't experience a lot of FREEDOM.  I yell a lot out of fear,  I am angry most of the time, and I am scared that something is going to happen to one of my kids while I allow them to just be free.  So, I sacrifice my freedom so they can have theirs.  I am a ball of anxiety, so they can run down a gravel hill as fast as batman, jump in a wave that will crush them, jump off a bed that will send their feet into their abdomen.  My loss of freedom is their laughter, tears, sweat, growth and pride.
Freedom aside, I would like to start with the one and only Beyonce Knowles Z.  If you don't know, which is crazy if you don't-she released Saturday April 23rd on HBO an 11 track video of her new album called none the less, the tangy, yet refreshing beverage: Lemonade.  Tracing an apparent story of infidelity all the way to its reconciliation.  The visual album was split into music videos offset by chapter titles, for example, "Intuition", "Denial", "Apathy", "Emptiness",  and finally "Resurrection."    Throughout these videos Bey would read poetry aloud from the exquisite must read Somali-British poet, Warsan Shire. And from what I have gathered someone named Becky better call Saul, because she is going to to need a new identity, name, and homeland.  If I was Rachel Roy(the suspected mistress) I would honestly go to the best plastic surgeon in the UNIVERSE, bleach my skin, go to my hair stylist and dye my hair strawberry brown , actually F that.  I would just call Saul.  Witness protection.  All. The. Way. I am going to state some facts.  The Beehive is for real.  The BEY-gency is on point.  Beyonce has 68.7 million followers on Instagram.  That is two Canada's.  That is a lot of loyal people that are buzzing for Bey.  Becky with the good hair should start dreading stat.  Pull her split-ends.  Bleach with peroxide.  I don't know change her name back to Rebecca.  They Bee-hive is worse than Zombies.  I am trembling as I type.  But here's the deal: Beyonce has an estimated net-worth of $450 million.  Jay-Z has an estimated net-worth of $650 million.  So, filliminas lets do some basic arithmetic, yes- that's a BILLION dollars.  Beyonce is not only incredibly attractive, amazingly talented, and independently wealthy, BUT she is also able to get her heart hurt.  That's right people she is just like us.  And that is what is so precious about one of the messages she conveys in Lemonade.  Sometimes people may seem like they have it all-even billionaires with two Canada's of fans, but their rapper husbands still cheat on them. And someone just hit the hive... with a bat.
Now lets talk about what she was wearing because I am from the south and I was feeling the low-country all over the place.  The white Antebellum dresses, the big puffy sleeves, the rain boots with the african print high-low dress whaaaaa? I cannot pick a favorite.  I can pick an un-favorite.  I'm just not a massive fan of athletic gear and I have never really seen her in it, so I was less than impressed with the "top" (sports bra) and "yoga pants" by Yeezy in "Don't Hurt Yourself." The fur Hood is dope by Air.  I bet she was very hot after getting so amped up, throwing some serious threats in that parking garage.   But, the mustard sensation by Peter Dundas for Roberto Cavalli in "Hold Up" had me wanting to go buy a billy bat and just get some rage out.  I mean seriously just dress up in a one of my nicest gowns and bad ass shoes which hers were Yves Saint Laurent, by the way, and walk down my street and hit some magnolias or pine cones, maybe a squirrel if I can still run in heels.  And I can only imagine me and my cha-tourage sitting on my stoop if worse came to worse, waiting on the whomever hurt---and I know one thing I would still be holding my billy club, BUT Beyonce had on this peach Rosie Assoulin off the shoulder top- maybe mine will be lavender and Chelsea Handler's Phelan top will be hunter green...Another huge favorite off the album song wise is "Sorry".  You know the song where Beyonce is lounging in a chair with Selena Williams  bopping on the side like a dog in heat.  I am not hating.  She looks real.  And Beyonce is killing it in her crystal body suit by Kuwait designer Yousef al-Jasmi.  I believe the middle finger will make a remarkable come back because of Beyonce.  This is how powerful she is.  People are going to be told to f-off through sign language alone.  Damn Becky.  Emojis were on the tipping point with their last update- well done Apple.  And last, but certainly not least the cone-bra quick- shot a la Nefertiti style by New York based Zana Bayne- an homage of sorts,  I am sure of it.  And her ball gown with the scary demon face glow- that beautiful orange geometric pouf by Lebanese designer Nicolas Jebran.  Latif Jiddaan!!!
So, I guess the question is what does a white, fashion editor, stylist, and blogger, mother of three-And yes it is very necessary I mention all of these things and I should probably add that I have long blonde hair, put lemon on everything, have never met Jay-Z, never will, and that my skin has gold tones in it kind of, that my second toe is longer than my first.  Ok, you get the point.  What do I get from Lemonade?  What would I draw from this album?  I am not an oppressed black woman.  I have not experienced adultery.  My parents are still married.  My friends kids have not been killed by something crooked in the Justice system.  But, I am a woman.  I stand up for the woman.  I stand up for the mothers.  I stand up for the grandmothers.  I'll carry you when you cannot carry yourself because you and me are no different, because we are women.  You may have been hurt, but I can watch and feel that hurt.  I can picture that hurt on me, like a dress I can try it on.  It does not take a color or creed to have empathy.  So I will not be forced into making Lemonade into something that has one vision, for one race.  I will apply it to my life.  I will listen to "Freedom" and think of me and my children and when I drop them off at pre-school I will blare the radio and sing to the top of my white fucking lungs
"Tryna rain, tryna rain on the thunder
tell the storm I'm new
Imma walk and march on the regular
Painting white flags blue
Lord forgive me, Ive been running
Running blind in truth
I'ma rain, I'ma rain on this bitter love
Tell the sweet I"m new

Freedom! Freedom! I can't move
Freedom, cut me loose
Freedom! Freedom! where are you?
Cause I need freedom too!
I break chains all by myself
Won't let my freedom rot in hell
 Hey! I'ma keep running
Cause a winner don't quit on themselves

I'ma wade, I'ma wave through the waters
Tell the tide, "don't move"
I'ma riot, I'ma riot through your borders
Call me bulletproof
Lord forgive me, I've been a running'
Runnin' blind in truth
I'ma wade, I'ma wave through your shallow love
Tell the deep I'm new

Freedom! Freedom! I can't move
Freedom, cut me loose
Freedom! Freedom! where are you?
Cause I need freedom too!
I break chains all by myself
Won't let my freedom rot in hell
Hey! I'ma keep running
Cause a winner don't quit on

"I had my ups and downs, but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up.  I was served lemons, but I made lemonade."  Hattie White

May you all find the Hattie White in you.


ps. I do not know Chelsea Handler.  She is not in my "Cha-tourage".

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